Monday, November 21, 2005

Welcome to my brain, parts eight through eight thousand

Ever since Saturday’s speedfest, I’ve been making feverish mental calculations, as you do. I’ve carried the two, and subtracted the remainder. I’ve cross-multiplied, and educatedly guessed, and I just keep coming back to the same conclusion.

I’m going to KILL this marathon. And you know what? I’m going to throw all caution to the wind, and admit—

Really? Am I going to say this out loud?

Yes. Yes. I will boldly state that my goal for this marathon is–

Are you ready? Because I’m not sure if you’re all aware of the concept of “jinxing” but I am risking everything, EVERYTHING, by saying this,

Here it is. My goal: a time in the 4:30 range. (Or faster.) (Shhh. I didn’t really say that.)

You all know me well enough by now to know what comes next:

The Panic.

The panic falls into two categories: Things I can do something about and Things I can do nothing about.

Ready? Let’s go.

Things I can do something about
The knee. And the stretching.

New plan: 20 minutes of good stretching every morning right after I wake up. (If I write it with conviction, it has to come true.)

To help this new plan, I bought Yoga for Athletes. Except that I cheaped out, and, to save $5, I ordered it from instead of Amazon, so it’ll probably not be delivered until forever. Sometimes I’m not so smart. (Sometimes?)

I now have visions of my incredibly bendy future self (like, when? Tomorrow? Day after?), resting my elbows on the floor when I bend at the waist, and crossing my legs behind my head, like that girl used to be able to do when we were in first grade and we were supposed to be reading quietly over by the bean bag chairs.


And now for the:

Things I can do nothing about
--It will be sunny and warm in Florida. This is a good thing, except…
I am training in and around Washington, DC where at best it will be sunny and cold.

How will I cope with the climate change? Will I cramp up and fall apart? Will I sweat and become dehydrated and cramp up and fall apart? Will I get sunburned, sweat, become dehydrated, cramp up and fall apart?

--There are no hills in Florida. This is a good thing, except…
I am training in and around Washington, DC, where there are many hills. Some are hills that go up, which is harder than flat, so will be a good thing, right? Except…
Some are hills that go down.

What will happen when there are no downhills on which to recover? Will I cramp up and fall apart? Will I get tired and cramp up and fall apart? Will I… Whatever. You get the point.

-- I have now come to the conclusion that I am capable of running many sub-ten minute miles. This is a good thing, except…
Twenty six (point two) is a lot of sub-ten minute miles. Several more than almost-fourteen-miles.

What if I start at that pace, and hit the wall (dunh dunh DUNHHHHHH), and fall apart?

I’m sure I’ll think of more as the weeks progress. Feel free to write in your suggestions. How else can I screw this up?


Blogger Scooter said...

Well, one sure way to screw it up is to go out too fast. If your training leads you to believe that a 4:30 is in the cards, well, you would likely know best.

The sweating issue is real. You can acclimate the body to some degree by dressing too warmly on some of your training runs (of course, then you can chafe). You can also arrive a few days early for the 'thon (yeah, right) in order to acclimate.

The hills you run will give you strength that should help your speed.

Lastly, don't overthink this thing. If you don't make major mistakes, that 4:30 should be makeable.

4:11 PM  
Blogger Flatman said...

Once again, you have proceeded to make me laugh out loud at my desk...

5:05 PM  
Blogger David said...

You are a funny girl.

Fear not, you can look forward to several hills in Miami. There are the drawbridges and inclines of the MacArthur Causeway over to Miami Beach (miles 1-4); the Venetian Causway on the way back from the Beach (miles 8-11); and the bridge over the Miami River (mile 13 and 26).

Yes, it will be a toasty 60 degress on race day. So what's to worry? That's why we race in Miami!


8:43 PM  
Blogger RunderWoman said...

I'm laughing out loud at my desk, too. Quite an accomplishment considering it's almost 10 PM and I am still at the office....

Hang in there. :)

9:52 PM  
Blogger Jack said...

Don't make 4:30 into a problem until you are about 26 miles out. Train really hard, then race day will seem like a treat. Just don't be afraid, remember the rules and apply a little common sense. And if all else fails gut it out and just finish (did I forget anything?).

12:51 AM  
Blogger plods said...

Good luck in any case! I can't offer you advice but you're going to rock :-D

10:53 AM  
Blogger jeanne said...

I laughed, I cried!! You can so do this! I am seething with jealousy. You don't want me to come down there and run you in, huh. (tee hee.)

You and your bad self just go.

1:26 PM  

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